Saturday, July 11, 2009

Boredom

"Idle hands are the devil's play things."

I can't tell you how many times the above was repeated to me throughout my quasi-mischievous childhood by my mother, and finally at the age of 24, I have finally seen that she is right.

For various reasons, I have found myself alone this weekend, and instead of taking the time to do the menial household tasks that I should be doing, or burying myself in a thrilling read, I find myself sat in front of my PC, doing this. No, not writing this blog, THIS:

As yet I have not been sectioned under the Mental Health Act, but who knows, eh!?

What was that I heard you say, Mum? Ah yes, "Idle hands are a douche bag's play things." Much better.

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Woah...


Wow check this shit out - I'm blogging from my iPhone!!

Ok so this isn't the most enthralling of entries but c'mon - this is pretty damn cool. It's pretty fair to say that I'm like a dog with two dicks (if you'll pardon my vulgarity) thanks to Steve Jobs and his large brained cronies for creating a work of such magnificence. Enough with the hyperbole already - it is Christmas today so I would like to wish my entire readership (all 1 of you) a very merry festive season and a prosperous 2009!

Peace.

-- Post From My iPhone

Friday, December 5, 2008

The Keezy is Beezy. Fo rizzle.

So, with the grand total of 0 posts in 15 months, my blogging career obviously got off to a flying start. Trouble was it flew straight down the toilet. But fear not, average reader (which. if my calculations are correct, means you do not exist) Koffers is back.

There is a slight snag, however. What the hell do I talk about? Well let's start with one of my favourite topics - myself.

In the last however many months I have accomplished a lot, and not accomplished a lot more. I somehow managed to successfully graduate, and I didn't cheat or nuffin. I also moved back home - with the parents - let's gloss over that shall we? Now I can be found plying my trade in the ever so slightly crazy world of Graduate Admissions at the London School of Economics. Not quite sure what it is that I do yet, but hopefully I will realise before they do.

Anyway, that aside, I'm going to try my darndest to blog my little cotton socks off from now on. If I read the back of the cereal packet, you may well hear about it. (Still not quite sure who this "you" I am addressing is, but fuck it, let's roll with it.)

So if anyone is actually out there, and you would like to read my particular spin on any given subject, then do let me know, because there's plenty more sarcastic remarks and pompous self assurance where the first batch came from.

Peace. Fo' shiz.

PS - At some point, I started talking like Snoop Dogg. If you would like to help me regain my astute verbosity, then rizzle ma phizzle and we'll tizzle. fo rizzle.

Friday, May 4, 2007

Spiderman 3: web of wonder or woe?

Ever since the closing moments of Spiderman 2 on that hot summer night in 2004, the third instalment the highly successful arachnid adventures has been top of my “Must See the Moment it Comes Out” list. And for once I succeeded. The show started at 12:01 AM on the day of release, so I was pretty much seeing it as soon as humanly possible.

With popcorn and drinks at the ready in a theatre full of the usual trouble making delinquents (although they didn’t really bother me on this occasion), I had a slight sensation of nervous anticipation, like any good fanboy would. The film starts, and my anticipation eases as the 140 minute visual feast unfolds in typically unabashed “prepare for the ride” style.

It starts off, and all is peachy for Peter Parker…he’s found stability in his life, and able to balance the pressures of being a superhero with trying to live a normal life. More importantly, however, he is in love with the girl of his dreams, the omnipresent MJ Watson, played by the delightful Kirsten Dunst. Soon we learn that Peter is so in love that he’s going to propose…cue emotional scene with Aunt May about how much he loves MJ and all seems to be going rather smoothly. However, we all know there is no such thing as a happy ending.

Over the next 2 and a bit hours, we, the audience are subjected to pretty much everything. We have action sequences galore with enough CGI to make you choke on your Haribo, three very different and menacing villains, two love interests and an internal struggle in the psyche of Peter Parker. One wonders if Sam Raimi merely forgot to add the partridge in a pear tree because he was too busy orchestrating this cinematic chaos.

It is a gloriously ambitious film, maybe a little too much so. With so many plot threads dangling up in the air, at times you want to give the film a good hard slap, so as to give it some semblance of order. There are instances of scenes placed next to one another that seem like they shouldn’t be there…emotionally they don’t carry. However, this doesn’t mean that the plots in this film are bad. Aside from the well publicised “enemy within” that Peter Parker faces, there is also the matter of dealing with a best-friend-turned-evil-son-of-a-gun Harry/Green Goblin 2, who is hellbent on revenge, the newly revealed killer of Peter’s uncle from the first film – Flint Marko/Sandman and the cocky photographer Eddie Brock who would later become Venom. There’s a lot of stuff to deal with, and this is where the film falls down. The film is an engaging one, and never do you lose interest, but it is the cinematic equivalent of having a three course meal followed by a pint of Guinness and a Chocolate Forest Gateau, it just feels bloated.

However, there are many good points about this film. It is surprisingly very funny. At times I had to ask myself, am I watching a summer action blockbuster or a romantic comedy? I suppose with Sam Raimi’s character focussed ethos, it affords him the opportunity of showing all sides of their personalities, not just those relevant to the plot. With this in mind, the scene with the new “cocky” Peter walking/dancing down the street is a very amusing one.

The action is superb, but crucially, not groundbreaking. There are many fights between Spiderman and his nemeses, but none them make you sit up and think “Wow, this is amazing!”. I was particularly disappointed with the final confrontation between Spiderman and the villains, because it just felt like we had seen it all before, and didn’t come close to touching the climactic “Train Battle” sequence of Spiderman 2.

I also would have like to have seen Topher Grace given more room to spread his wings, because whenever he is on screen, as Eddie Brock at least, he is captivating. The same can be said for the 40s-esque editor of the Daily Bugle J. Jonah Jameson, who defines the term “scene-stealer”. But hey, it’s all well and good for me to tell Sam Raimi where he went wrong, but he and the rest of the people who put this film together must be applauded for creating a piece of such magnitude, even if it is flawed.


So, overall, how is it? It’s good, really good, but doesn’t compare to Spiderman 2, I’m sorry to say. If this is the last of the films in the franchise, then it is a fitting end as all the loose ends are tied up, and is suitably emotionally weighted. However, if this does stay as a trilogy, then it only goes to prove, like the Godfather and Star Wars (originals) before it, that the second part is always the best.

3.8/5

Sunday, March 4, 2007

Our Man In Cáceres

Below is the article I wrote for the February 2007 issue of Impact Magazine (University of Nottingham official student publication). It's about the first part of my year abroad that I spent in Spain, so enjoy:

“Are you the drunken English boy that fell asleep in the Town Square?”

Having just been introduced to Leif (from Berlin) by one of my German housemates, I realise that he has already been briefed on my perpetual party animal status, and he has no qualms about reminding me of the most embarrassing thing that has happened to me in my two and half months in the western Spanish city of Cáceres.

“Well, actually it was in front of the Cathedral, but that’s a minor detail.” I reply coyly, trying to use the good old British wit to diffuse the situation – how long is it before I move on to football to change the subject?

Okay, I know that drunkenly falling asleep anywhere in public isn’t good, but the fact that I could do so happily in this undiscovered cultural treasure-chest of a city suggests to me that I have found a place where I can feel at home. Despite a run-in with a few snap-happy Germans who took much delight in my drunken plight (Schadenfreude, anyone?) I made it home OK and by the time I had sobered up in the morning, I had begun to regret my actions that if nothing else, served only to confirm so many pre-conceptions about the English abroad. I hang my head in shame.

Nonetheless, the experiences I have had in my short time here as an ERASMUS student, studying at the University of Extremadura will be some of my fondest memories in years to come. The setting of such a beautiful city (which is set to be the European City of Culture for 2016), complete with Castle and Monumental district as well as flourishing new developments, has been a fantastic stage on which to play out the first act of my foreign adventure.

The language can be a barrier at times, especially when spoken in the local accent, but once you’ve been here long enough, speaking and understanding become a whole lot easier. The locals are very welcoming and are open to all the foreign customs that my international compatriots and I have brought here, although, I do feel for my housemate Galina, whose name is very similar to the word for chicken. I have even managed to pick up some German whilst here – “Hast du das klopapier gekauft?” (Have you bought the toilet paper) being my favourite phrase so far.

All in all, the experience so far has been incredible, and I only hope the rest of the trip can meet the very high standards that have already been set.

This is Andrew Kaufman, from Cáceres, signing off.

Me, myself and Koffers

Well hello, and welcome to my blog!

My name is Andy Kaufman (Andrew to my mother)...and yes this IS my real name - I am of no relation to the OTHER Andy Kaufman of "Taxi" and "Man On The Moon" fame. A lot of my friends, however, call me Koffers, hence the title of this (hopefully) most enthralling of blogs.

Anyway, the reasons for my writing this blog are twofold: a) I want to be a journalist and I figure this is probably the best means of creating an easily viewed portfolio and b)I need an outlet for my frustrated creativity, and this should go some way to appeasing my frustration.

So from now on, I shall be posting all kinds of items - some film and music reviews, and any articles that I feel like writing about life in general. Please read through my articles at your leisure and tell me what you think about it.

Yours truly
x-Koffers-x